Letters To Eva

I met my best friend by accident. One afternoon on the way home from school, my mom, my brother and I stopped at a local drugstore to drop off photos to be developed. Still wearing our school uniforms, the lady behind the counter recognized my brown jumper and mentioned that her daughter had just begun attending the same school. A single mother, she needed someone to pick up her daughter on the upcoming half days we would be having and called my mom later that evening to ask if she could help.

It was 1989 and in a Philadelphia suburb that had the feel of a small town, the world was still a place safe enough for kids to play outside on their own, go trick or treating and actually eat their sweet spoils and for a mother to call a stranger and ask for help. It was through that initial connection that Leese and I became fast friends. While many of the classmates I had grown up with had either left to attend other schools or who turned into the most temporarily evil of creatures-- insecure, preteen girl, I was left to my own devices. The boys didn't know what to make of me because I was the first in the class to "develop." The girls didn't like me because I was smart, far too shy for my own good and not superficial enough to fit into cliques. I cared more about writing, wandering around in nature, listening to music and daydreaming of my future than owning a pair of Tretorn sneakers or the latest Swatch watch. But Leese was different. Creative, witty and kind--she had three of the qualities I still value most in a friend.

Over twenty years later, Leese and I have saved each other a thousand times over, despite our very different life paths. She's been married for over a decade, has two of the most well-behaved, exquisite children I've ever met and with her husband, runs a family business in the suburbs. I moved to New York City to chase my own destiny of words, music, images and adventure. Distance has never been much of an issue. Our friendship easily stretched to conform to our lives-- the opposite of what happens to many relationships in life.

Last summer, Leese, her husband and kids came to NYC for the day to visit. It was a magical time for all of us. Seeing the kids discover the city was a joy. Walking down the street with seven-year old Eva's hand in mine was one of the most special moments of my summer.

A few months ago, I sent Eva a fluffy pink scarf that I had. It just reminded me of her and when I can, I like to give gifts for no reason. From this, Eva and I ended up becoming "pen pals." When I recently sent her a birthday present for her 8th birthday, she wouldn't let her mother read my letter to her. And, when she was in the office with her mother a few days later, she promptly told her mother that she wanted to "write to Aunt Lauren." Leese provided her with a piece of paper and an envelope and Eva wrote me a beautifully composted letter that could rival some I've gotten from adults. Our correspondence has continued and it's become part of Eva's secret-garden-world, the kind of world I believe that every little girl needs-- where a trusted adult who is not a member of the immediate family shows them their worth, their beauty and unconditional love. Having a strong role model, having a role model of kindness for any child of that age can be life-changing. I remember as a kid receiving letters from my grandmother's good friend. She didn't have a grand-daughter and so I filled that void. For me, she offered not only the joy of receiving mail that made me feel cared about, but she gave me the beginnings of my vocation and avocation: writing.

With the stresses of adulthood entering childhood earlier and earlier, it seems vital to fill up children as much as possible with all of the tools to navigate it, including an unshakable sense of self. While Eva's letters make me smile, I know that there is something more significant about the connection and as I watch her grow from afar, I can only hope that she will be as lucky as I have been with finding friends who add so very much to her life.